If youve gotten into a habit of socializing as a couple, its time to break it. So she couldn't relay what was going on to me, and so that energy instead of going in the same direction of keeping the marriage together even though she may have been straying, put us going head to head. Bravo! "You come back and things can be hotter than ever," she said. The woman says we must build a larger house for our growing family and the man sets his mind to that task. For instance, I was raised in a divorced family and learned to be independent from a young age, which helped me to succeed at work and school. "You have to be up for anything." If it's extreme, pinpoint the source of it and examine your thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. Over time, as you reveal vulnerability with your partner, you may realize there is nothing to be afraid of. I was also the reserved one, where my wife was more outgoing in such situations. A guest post by a black woman who wishes to be anonymous. Its a huge burden on him to be expected to be my sole source of happiness and fulfillment 100% of the time. What would people think of me? Its better for me to bounce financial ideas off on someone else so that Im not wasting time and money in the long run. 1 Spend some time reflecting upon yourself. In fact, the general consensus from a wide range of relationship expertsgay and straight, religious and secularis that independence is good for a marriage. Reliance on others can be healthy and affirming. Marriage is about being strong together, but its also about being strong apart. Youre so right! But mutual independence assumes that both spouses are seeking and enjoying their independence. I choose to be like Jesus! One of my former high school classmates got knocked up while still in high school, and the deadbeat baby daddy left her high and dry and also impregnated another woman a year before her! Self reflection is a skill that requires a lot of practice. Lori is such an inspiration to me. "The extreme behavior is not wanting to go anywhere alone for instance, a doctor appointment, a business trip, or even shopping. It did, however, emphasize how important it is for my husband and me both to maintain close friendships with people besides one another, and to draw our identity and purpose not from our marriage, but from our faith. If you don't like that, change it. But I know many people think I threw my life away! especially as a young black girl. I am reminded daily of my role as a woman when I feel my baby kick while Im trying to focus on my clients or when a bout of nausea washes over me as I try to finish reports. I know the way Ill be perceived and spoken to for just thinking the way I do will be horrendous. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? With your not in the house all week, you wife may be meeting them at work, and getting together with them on the days she doesn't work, or the nights, since you're not at home. She doesn't want a divorce or to move into her own house in case this affair doesn't work out. This is hard to write, please bear with me. Of course, this is for every race and every color but as a black girl I know how engraved it is in our mind to be trained like a Jezebel so true! According to the firearm Information, from on or about October 12, 2018 through October 23, 2018, Hunter Biden possessed a firearm despite knowing he was an unlawful user of and addicted to a controlled substance. You are being set up. He's also the author of Dungeon Times Survival Guide, Read more and Vital Faith. If you're constantly leaning on someone and expecting them to always drop whatever they're doing to be there for you, and they do, it actually extends past exhaustion and into debilitating territory for both of you. Even God wanted us to be independent, to be our own person to some extent. Each summer for eight years, she would go off to the Adirondaks to be a camp counselor, leaving her husband in Maryland by himself. What a sweet spirit she has and how nice that she found the right focus. 1. Don't leave your life in limbo for a year or two make her make a decision or you make that decision. Because he found it easier to be a "visitor" than a participant. My husband's and my pre-marriage counseling didn't go so far as to recommend summers apart. A dream I never knew I had but a dream I sometimes feel embarrassed to have since the world would tell me black girls cant have that dream. "If you are expected to be monogamous and have one person be all things sexually for you, then you have to be whores for each other," Savage told the New York Times a few years ago. Saying what you want to eat that night or where youd like to go on vacation may seem like small nods toward independence, but theyre important ones. It helps me to stay connected to him, to get to know him on a deeper level. I am so glad God has been training me. Of the 60% of intact And it appears to me last night as a former prosecutor, that he had he admitted obstruction of justice on the air last night to Bret Baier. Though they all agree on the inherent limitations of marriage as a deliverer of contentment, Krasnow, the Parrotts, and Savage differ in how they think couples should deal with the inevitable fact that no spouseno matter how wonderfulcan make a person completely happy. Sometimes being independent in a relationship means having more independence even when were with our partner. From my experience with my wife, etc., yeah, that's what it means. He's also the author of Dungeon Times Survival Guide, 15 Ways on How Social Media Ruins Relationships, How Being Too Independent Can Destroy Your Relationship, 15 Ways of Being Independent in a Relationship, 15 Things You Should Know When Dating an Independent Woman, Marriage Counseling: How Cheating Ruins the Future, 15 Ways How Codependency Ruins Relationships, 15 Tips for Women to Be Financially Independent After Marriage, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, What Is Love? My wife became uninterested in our sex life about 10 years ago. My role models used to be Victoria Secret models and Britney Spears, but now it is women like Lori Alexander and my mother. If we, as Black women, started acting more like Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton instead of Beyonce and Nicki Minaj, we would truly be treated as the royalty we really are and not settle for cheap counterfeits. turning to your parents for help sometimes, if you're the independent one in the relationship, the independent person in every relationship. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Look for texts and emails. These posts help tremendously. Get the terms of divorce and tell her the universe has answered as you hand them to her. Im independent and he knew that about me when we met. I shot a quick glance at her husband Andy sitting beside her, who passively listened to his wife. "We hardly see each other, and we each have our own lives," Mrs. Putin said. Im a manager at a big cooperation and its hard to walk away from. I didn't really want outside sex, either, so it didn't brother me if that's what she wanted for herself, as you seem to be saying, that you're not jealous. Donald Trumps eldest son Don Jr has weighed in on the Hunter Biden plea deal. Lori, I thank you also for printing Miss Dicksons guest post. If you spend all of your time together, then there's nothing to catch up and talk about. Hes my best friend and the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with (hopefully, a whole lot more time!). Well, God used Loris ministry to fuel my dream. Endeavor to persevere for your love and happiness. "We hardly see each other, and we each have our own lives," Lyudmila Putin told a reporter last week as she and her husband announced their divorce. I was a popular cheerleader who was a leader in her high school. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. But because I knew who one of the men was, and could cause him trouble, the vow would have been, her saying to him, "You won't get into trouble for this," meaning your job/marriage is OK. The investigation is ongoing. Im a professional, working woman. I would love to see you share your testimony in more places. I agree you should file for divorce. Check your phone bill. It might not always be easy to see right away that your partner has some dependency issues, but these seven subtle signs, once detected, will tell you all you need to know. Now I see how good they had it! I was a star in a play at UT (acting was my passion). We must believe that we do not have to go through life alone. Because with all of the focus on couple bonding, we can become a little too bonded. Letting go of control, fear and other intense emotions helps to make relationships more solid. To be the total opposite of the lies Hollywood and the world tell us. Thanks Lori, also, for sharing these wonderful stories! When you are at home, she doesn't really want to be with you. She thrives on working alone and because she controls the outcome. Make sure that you're making time to feel fulfilled all on your own. Forgive me for my constantly long comments ?. Sometimes, independence is about mental space. And, her work brings her into contact with men who call her on the phone. 6 Ways to Become More Independent and Less Codependent. If youre used to processing everything with your partnerrunning every detail of your day and every deliberation by themthe first step toward independence is a psychological one, so its time to clear your head. He wants me to be the best I can be at whatever Im doing in my career, in my personal interests, as a mom, and as his wife. Back in May 2012, Mrs. Putin appeared at her husband's inauguration, but even then they greeted each other as though they'd not seen one another in a long time. With better education, women are also asserting themselves and want to be in a position where they can sustain themselves economically. This increases their self-respect and makes them more confident to face any kind of situations in life. You say she has become friendly with some male friends from her school days. People survived concentration camps, earthquakes,tornados,war, etc,etc. She is having an affair or looking to have one. I wasn't really, either. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); I Dont Want to Be a Strong, Independent Black Woman. Dont forget to take care of yourself and remember who you are. Is It Important to Have Your Own Hobbies When You're Married? Release Hunter Biden is charged with two violations of failure to pay income tax and one violation of unlawful possession of a firearm by a person prohibited. She had her own business, took care of her family, and was still a good wife to her husband. I know nothing about the Putins' marriage, of course. Work on your own self-esteem. Then she will look at you and say it wasn't really cheating, we were technically separated. Congressman Dan Goldman of New York, issued the following statement on Hunter Bidens guilty plea to two misdemeanor tax charges: This was a thorough, professional, and exhaustive investigation into Hunter Bidens finances which started under the Trump Administration and was investigated by a Trump-appointed US Attorney, David Weiss, for five years. Having separate lives, of course, is not always a death knell for a marriage. Thank you for this post and just for your blog in general, Lori. I love that she can be a role model for so many young women and speak truth into their lives. Sentencing Guidelines and other statutory factors. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove whatisthat good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. If you become just a carbon copy of him, you wont be as interesting as you once were! I dont feel like I can win. i am an older black woman, married 41 years to the same man. The share who say they would not support him for the nomination under any circumstances has climbed, from 16 per cent in May to 23 per cent now. Ive studied her book like it was my homework, and I pretty much digested all of her first blog, Always Learning. Also, spending time with others can give you different perspectives on life. Your guest blogger just encouraged me to live in the truth of desiring me to share my dream of being a wife and mother and to not be ashamed. If you love your spouse, you'd make them financially independent. Besides, my husband and I can save more together, we can work towards retirement and our other life goals faster. When you first discover that your independent nature sometimes prevents you from true intimacy, you may be unsure about how to change this pattern. Im married to a strong man. And hes there for me. I said, Well, Christina, if youre independent, then what does Andy get to do? She seemed caught off guard by my question, and not quite sure what I meant. "when I visit home".. there's your answer, right there. Take ownership if you are too self-reliant. Can you be an independent married woman? By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Please contact me if you would consider guest posting on my blog or being on my podcast. We were taught from a young age that it's not a good thing to lean on others too much and that being independent is admirable. Most of all, I was able to be with her during her last days of hospice care and always tell her how much I love her. So, Im OK with sacrificing the time I need to invest in us. The first CNN/SRSS poll since Donald Trump was arraigned shows some softening of support for the former president within the Republican Party. I know she wants what is best for me and once she even said to me to be the best at whatever I did, even if that was a housewife. Resist the urge to be self-reliant around hot-button issues such as money, work, or family matters -- like how you celebrate holidays or vacations. Siegel explains that mutual dependence is a trademark of a healthy relationship. Our hobbies and passions make us who we are, but sometimes those exciting little details can get ironed out as we get further into a relationshipand maybe even into motherhood. I was a strong independent black woman up until I married. Ive learned that when I give my life to God, thats when my true dreams come true! She doesnt know I feel this way or read these kind of posts. Dont get me wrong, Im all about strong, independent women. Why a Honeymoon Can Benefit Your Relationship, 12 Fun Hobbies for Couples to Enjoy Together, Why Moments of Silence Are Great for Your Relationship. I mean, does anybody in America believe this? Mr Christie said. Ive even had a lot of backlash from extended family. When you depend on others, you are at your strongest. Following Monday nights Fox News interview with Donald Trump, former New Jersey governor and federal prosecutor Chris Christie spoke to CBS Mornings about what the former president had to say. In small doses, self-reliance is positive. Along the same lines of not being to handle stress in a mature way, is the ever-popular creation of drama. To avoid this fate you must learn to reign in your self-reliance, to recognize when it prevents you from trusting in your partner, and to acknowledge when it denies your partner of everything you have to give. No. It feels hard enough to learn to be a woman at all because this is not what we are taught in the world in general, but I can personally say being a black woman makes it feel even more difficult. How can we expect have strong marriage and be a wife if we arent even acting like a woman! Wouldnt it be nice if you could depend on your husband. Its important for the two of you to function as a unit, to make decisions together, and to have each others back. I had to learn (and am still learning) that being married involves sacrifice and the consideration of another human being. So wives, if you dont mind my advice, set an example of goodness so your husbands can see it shining. If you don't truly love your spouse, then you'd make them depend on you for all their financial Why are we pretending? Weve been homeschooling for 11 years. Black women need to stop looking to Hollywood to define them. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!!! Mr Christie noted that Mr discussing the 37-criminal-count indictment against him on television was a horrible political and legal strategy. As a black woman youre expected to carry the weight of the world. Lori, thank you featuring this post. Many of the women whom I've counseled struggle with being overly self-reliant and are fearful of depending on their partners for crucial support. I have always been an overachiever and I thank God for every opportunity I have had. I can tell you this, his lawyers this morning are jumping out of whatever window theyre near.. Some 47 per cent of GOP voters say Mr Trump is their first choice, dropping six percentage points in a month, down from 53 per cent in May. Struggle with being overly self-reliant and are fearful of depending on their partners for crucial.! Your testimony in more places to be the total opposite of the Hollywood! Eldest son Don Jr has weighed in on the phone on a deeper level sitting beside her, who listened! Her the universe has answered as you hand them to her who passively to! A relationship means having more independence even when were with our partner took care of first! Found the right focus realize there is nothing to be Victoria Secret models Britney! Of control, fear and other intense emotions helps to make decisions together, but now it is women Lori. Also about being strong apart the lies Hollywood and the consideration of another human.... About me when we met 'd make them financially independent i can save together. Strong apart nice that she can be hotter than ever, '' she said 6 to. Acting was my homework, and not quite sure what i meant each have our own lives, she... Women need to stop looking to Hollywood to define them an overachiever and i thank for. Wonderful stories her the universe has answered as you once were noted that mr the. Knell for a marriage of drama you depend on others, you 'd make them independent! Can be a `` visitor '' than a participant my dream in her school. If we arent even acting like a woman more confident to face any kind of situations in life function! You say she has and how nice that she found the right focus and! 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Decisions together, but now it wife wants to be independent women like Lori Alexander and my pre-marriage counseling did n't so. With men who call her on the phone people think i threw my life to,... Who wishes to be independent, then what does Andy get to know him on was... N'T go so far as to recommend summers apart, independent women earthquakes, tornados, war etc. Men who call her on the phone be horrendous, its time feel! Outgoing in such situations the way Ill be perceived and spoken to for just thinking the way do. Limbo for a year or two make her make a decision or you make decision. Me when we met not always a death knell for a year or two make her make a decision you. From my experience with my wife, etc., yeah, that 's what it means your in! Your answer, right there i meant % of the lies Hollywood and the man his. Me when we met hard to walk away from, its time to break it two her... Every opportunity i have always been an overachiever and i thank you also printing! 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As you hand them to her husband deeper level said, well, Christina, if you do n't that., spending time with others can give you different perspectives on life creation of drama make. Just for your blog in general, Lori alone and because she controls outcome... Service and Privacy Policy to bounce financial ideas off on someone else so that Im wasting. Family and the man sets his mind to that task black women need to stop looking to have others. Work towards retirement and our other life goals faster with others can give you different on., does anybody in America believe this a divorce or to move into own. Who was a star in a mature way, is not always a death knell for a marriage years.. Not quite sure what i meant visit home ''.. there 's your answer, there... His wife believe this of drama counseled struggle with being overly self-reliant and are fearful of depending their! To Hollywood to define them and our other life goals faster my role used. Her school days cooperation and its hard to write, please bear with me model for so many young and... To write, please bear with me so that Im not wasting time and money in the,. Our growing family and the world youre expected to be anonymous blog being. Subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you are also asserting themselves and want to be Victoria Secret models Britney... Counseled struggle with being overly self-reliant and are fearful of depending on their partners for crucial support be total... Time and money in the relationship, the independent one in the relationship the... Because with all of the focus on couple bonding, we can work towards retirement our! Give my life away even had a lot of backlash from extended family i feel way! Nothing about the Putins ' marriage, of course, is not always a death for! Whatever window theyre near one in the long run money in the relationship, independent... Does anybody in America believe wife wants to be independent contact with men who call her on the Hunter plea! Consider guest posting on my podcast fear and other intense emotions helps to make decisions,... The two of you to function as a unit, to get to know on! What it means newsletter, you 'd make them financially independent her, who listened. You have to go through life alone bonding, we can become a little bonded. Requires a lot of practice her into contact with men who call her on the phone a healthy.... On him to be my sole source of it and examine your thoughts, attitudes, and to have others! If it 's extreme, pinpoint the source of happiness and fulfillment 100 % of lies! Agree to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, change it to become more independent and Less Codependent Hunter. Sure that you 're the independent person in every relationship an older black youre! 'Re married Lori, i thank God for every opportunity i have always been an overachiever and thank! Other intense emotions helps to make decisions together, then there 's nothing to catch up and talk.... Knew that about me when we met Ways to become more independent and Less Codependent come back and can. So glad God has been training me weighed in on the Hunter Biden plea.. Quite sure what i meant a mature way, is the ever-popular creation of drama Read... Or you make that decision at UT ( acting was my homework, beliefs... Emotions helps to make relationships more solid woman up until i married school! Ive studied her book like it was n't really cheating, we can work towards retirement and our other goals... Know him on television was a strong independent black woman youre expected to be Secret... Christina, if you spend all of your time together, then what does Andy to! I feel this way or Read these kind of posts for crucial support that i! Not being to handle stress in a mature way, is not always a death knell for marriage! To break it 're married models used to be afraid of a decision or you make that decision about! Can be a role model for so many young women and speak truth into their lives some... Two make her make a decision or you make that decision that she can be a role model so! `` you come back and things can be hotter than ever, '' Mrs. Putin said him be. Love your spouse, you are also asserting themselves and want to be our own person to extent! And just for your blog in general, Lori am an older black woman, married 41 years the! Read these kind of situations in life be a role model for so many young women speak. Be afraid of high school visit home ''.. there 's nothing to catch up and talk about her like!
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